What Is Breadcrumbing & Does It Apply In Divorce?

As a perpetually single woman in the city who recently got played hard, it’s important to stay on top of all of the latest romantic phenomena. I consider myself an expert, and I believe the latest trend will be for one-half of a relationship to claim to move to another country to flee the current presidential administration and end the relationship but not actually follow through on the move. In my research to figure out what had happened to me and how I could prevent it from happening again, I discovered a new term describing a romantic (or aromantic) behavior- breadcrumbing. 

If a man tells me he wants to date casually but hopes it can grow into something more serious, I keep it moving, because clearly he thinks I’m stupid. But not everyone has such an easy time moving on from a potential love interest. Women seeking help for this issue on the internet are informed by other women on certain pages and groups that they are victims of breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is “when you give an individual just enough morsels of attention to keep them interested or hooked into the relationship (or situationship), without any real intention of committing.” Essentially, it is an informal term for leading someone on. 

Most of us are probably familiar with the feeling of being strung along, without ever knowing a term existed for it. I probably did not experience breadcrumbing, as this guy sent me a picture of himself with a special needs child and said he was volunteering when he was out with another woman. He also may have lied about his friend dying but I can’t spend too much time analyzing that. Breadcrumbing doesn’t require such ostentatious lies- it is more of vague hints and implications- but it can still cause negative feelings like anxiety, inadequacy, and sadness. If someone is being breadcrumbed by their partner, it puts them at risk of being taken advantage of in any potential family law matters. Take back the power by hiring a skilled family law attorney to represent your interests. Schedule your free consultation with our Arizona family law firm today by calling 480-680-9126. 

Examples Of Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing lends itself to a romantic situation that is never going to become official, although there are many other situations in which breadcrumbing applies. Some examples include:

• Your boss implies that if you work hard and long hours, you will be promoted. Despite your efforts, you are passed over for the next company promotion. Your boss might even hint that if your hard work continues, you will have a better shot next time. 
•  Your sibling constantly asks you to watch their children, promising that they will babysit the next time your kids need supervision. Whenever you ask your sibling to return the favor, they have a half-hearted excuse for why they can’t. 
• You have that one friend that you are always there for, especially when it comes to listening to them vent about their relationship. Your friend might need help with wedding-related tasks after getting engaged, but never ask you to be a bridesmaid or groomsman. 
• Your co-worker usually takes several days to respond to your emails, that is unless, of course, they need something from you. This co-worker might say they’ll have your back but let you take the fall whenever your boss is out for blood. 
• You match with an attractive individual on a dating app. This person might send you romantic platitudes one day and refuse to communicate with you unless you send suggestive photos the next. Whenever you want to video call, their camera is broken or their Wi-Fi is down. Whenever you want to meet, their car is broken down or they’re out of town. This person might be stringing you along for how the online attention makes them feel, and you might be getting catfished, but that’s a separate issue. 
• You are in the midst of a divorce from your spouse, and your spouse makes off-the-record promises to cede certain assets to you if you just sign this one document right away. During the next negotiation with your lawyers present, your ex denies ever making you such promises. Your ex might even hint at a reconciliation if you cooperate during family law matters, but never return to you. 

Spotting Breadcrumbing

The term “breadcrumbing” comes from Hansel and Gretel’s journey through the woods to the old woman’s house made of candy. But because the phenomenon of breadcrumbing leaves no tangible evidence, there are certain signs to look out for to avoid becoming a victim. Some people are simply flaky and don’t mean to engage in toxic manipulation when they fail to follow through. One telltale sign that someone is actively engaging in breadcrumbing is the nature of their communication. If someone takes days or even weeks to respond to you unless they want something from you, you are probably being breadcrumbed. A breadcrumber will avoid deep and personal topics, and may ask you far more questions about yourself than they ever volunteer about themselves. They might also only contact you in low-effort ways, like only “liking” your text messages or only contacting you via social media. If a breadcrumber knows what they are doing, they will probably avoid making concrete plans for the future, such as being your plus one to your friend’s wedding in October. 

Like many other forms of manipulation, breadcrumbing may have you questioning your own sense of perception. Breadcrumbing is marked by a cycle of expectations and frustrations, but it can be hard to spot this cycle from the inside. Be aware if you might be at an elevated risk of experiencing breadcrumbing. People who have had childhood trauma, particularly inconsistent care and attention from one’s parents, are more susceptible to breadcrumbing. So are people with substance abuse issues and addictive personalities. People with low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders can also be more likely to fall victim to breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbers may also suffer from low self-esteem, and tend to have avoidant attachment styles. Don’t let a toxic relationship isolate you- discuss your concerns with friends, family members, or even mental health professionals if you want to make sure you aren’t being breadcrumbed. 

Tired Of Breadcrumbing And Need Family Law Representation? Schedule Your Free Consultation With Our Firm. 

If you believe you are being strung along by someone so they can manipulate you into giving them what you want, leaving this situation is easier said than done. It can be emotionally difficult to leave a relationship, but if you are bound by shared children or marriage, it becomes even more complicated. One unfulfilled promise doesn’t amount to breadcrumbing, but if you fall susceptible to this ploy during a family law matter, it could hurt your position in an irreparable manner. The best way to fight back against breadcrumbing in an Arizona family law matter is to retain high-quality legal representation. Our attorneys are aware of the effect that psychological manipulation can have in divorce and custody matters. To schedule your free consultation by phone with an experienced family law attorney in Maricopa or Pima County, call 480-680-9126.