Sometimes it is difficult to realize you have been, and possibly still are, psychologically abused by a loved one. When that loved one is your spouse, divorce may be the only way to end this abuse. That doesn’t mean your spouse will make it easy to leave. One tactic your spouse may regularly use to manipulate you is love bombing. Read on to learn more about love bombing, as well as tips on how to deal with it while divorcing your spouse.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used to make the target feel dependent on, or even indebted to, the user. During a love bombing period, your spouse may shower you with attention and affection, compliments, gifts, etc. This can be used at the beginning of a relationship to reel a partner in, or during periods of conflict to keep a partner from leaving.
When your partner is love bombing you, it may seem like your relationship is out of a fairy tale. Your friends may even be jealous of the amount of attention you receive from your partner. However, this attention will eventually become so excessive that it can create negative effects. While texting all day may have seemed cute at first, now your partner may expect prompt replies to their texts and get angry if there is a delay. You may have initially enjoyed how much time your partner wants to spend with you, but now your partner refuses to respect boundaries and your need for space. Your partner may buy you extravagant gifts in the name of spoiling you, but later uses these gifts to make you feel guilty, or like you owe them a favor.
Anyone can use love bombing, but it is a tactic commonly associated with narcissism. Narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder, is characterized by a constant need for respect and admiration, dismissal of other’s feelings, a sense of superiority and delusions of grandeur, and more. Narcissism can be difficult to diagnose, as it requires extended periods of observation, and the person most likely won’t be cooperative in seeking mental health treatment.
Narcissists want to have control over their partners, and for their partners to feel dependent on them. That makes love bombing an effective tool for narcissists to use on their partners. Once the love bomber has gotten the target used to a certain level of affection and adoration, the love bomber can withdraw this attention to manipulate their partner. Once the target has gotten to their breaking point and wants to leave, the love bombing will resume.
Love bombing is closely related to another narcissistic manipulation method you may have heard of- gaslighting. Gaslighting can involve denying actions and statements, and ignoring the partner’s feelings and requests. It is meant to make the recipient question their own perception and sanity, and feel dependent on the abuser.
Part of your spouse’s MO is to isolate you from your friends and loved ones to create a sense of interdependence. Even if your social network has a good impression of your spouse due to love bombing behaviors, they should be alerted to your situation in case you need somewhere to stay or someone with whom to vent. Even if you are uncomfortable discussing details of your relationship with others, you should at least begin undoing the isolation your spouse has created with love bombing.
If your spouse has used love bombing in the past, there is no doubt they will do so again when you inform them that you want a divorce. The gifts, compliments, and affection when you try to leave may remind you of the good times in your relationship. But love bombing is temporary, and things will eventually go back to the conditions that made you want to leave in the first place.
Society portrays some relationship ideals that in reality are controlling and toxic. You may have friends who tell you that you’re lucky to have a spouse who lavishes you with attention and cares for you so intensely. However, your spouse weaponizes this attention to manipulate you in a way that is psychologically damaging. Find people to discuss your issues with that are more understanding.
It can be easy to forget that what you have experienced is considered psychological abuse. A mental health professional may help you work through the trauma of your relationship, identify what attracted you to it in the first place, and work on changes that will help you avoid similar relationships in the future. You may also want to consider a support group for survivors of love bombing and other narcissistic abuse. This can help you validate your experiences and talk with others who understand your situation.
Thus, when you retain a Phoenix divorce attorney, communications regarding the divorce must go first to your attorney. If you share minor children with your spouse, you may need to continue communicating in order to effectively co-parent. Otherwise, you’ll be able to screen your spouse’s calls or block their number. If you represent yourself in divorce, you will need to talk to your spouse or their attorney to complete the divorce. This opens up the possibility of your spouse trying to win you back through love bombing.
Are you looking for an experienced Arizona divorce attorney who will see through your spouse’s manipulation? At AZ Family Law Lawyers, our highly qualified divorce attorneys have seen it all. We will make sure you are fully prepared to divorce a manipulative spouse and guide you through every step of the process. We will make sure your rights to raise your children are preserved, as well as your financial well-being. And we will do it all at an affordable rate with payment plans that will work with your budget. To learn more, call or use our online form to schedule your free consultation with one of our Arizona divorce attorneys today! Your Arizona Family Lawyers can be reached at (480) 263-1699.
Contact Alison Briggs, Arizona Family Lawyer for a free consultation. Alison is a licensed social worker and an attorney. Alison understands the in’s and out’s of Love Bombing and spouses with Narcissistic tendencies.
Read additional Blogs on other Arizona Family Law Issues, including:
Tips On Divorcing a Gaslighting Spouse
Things All Parents Should Consider Before Divorce In Arizona
Divorcing a Narcissist
Keeping Your Privacy In a High Asset Divorce
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